Title: She's All Caught Up!Author: Jamila T. Davis
Publisher: Voices International Publication
Pages: 338
Genre: Memoir/Young Adult
Format: Paperback/Kindle
She's All Caught Up is a cautionary tale based on the life of Jamila T. Davis, a federal prisoner serving a 12 1/2 year sentence. Jamila grew up in a loving middle class home, raised to become her parent's ideal star child. All was copacetic until high school years. Jamila rebels and chooses to live life in the fast lane. When this good girl goes bad, it seems there is no turning back!
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She's All Caught Up! is available at Amazon.Pick up your copy at Barnes & Noble.
Discuss this book at PUYB Virtual Book Club at Goodreads.
How To Reach Rebellious Teens and Get Them to Take
Your Advice
As a teenager the thing I hated the
most was having to listen to what adults told me to do. In my mind back then, I
thought I had all the answers. I couldn't wait until I got older so I wouldn't
have to listen to anyone. It was my foolish belief that my parents told me what
not to do simply to control me and stop me from having fun. My irrational
thinking caused me to despise my parents and rebel. By the age of 14 years old,
unknowingly, I was on a fast paced track to self-destruction. Relentlessly I
lusted after independence and respect. Feeling like I was grown, I no longer
wanted to be treated as a child. I wanted to explore my options and make my own
choices. Times have changed, but the cycles of life still remain the same. If
you want to reach teens who typically think they "know it all," you
must attempt to dethrone their "stinking thinking."
Teens don't want to be spoken down
to; they want to be addressed maturely. Young adults typically despise being
told what to do. Therefore to get a better response, give them the freedom to
decide how they will meet your demands. For instance, if the house has to be
cleaned, dinner cooked or the trash set out, don't just make forceful commands.
Discuss the needs with your child as you would a respected peer and let your
teen devise the schedule and plan on how they will get the tasks accomplished.
That doesn't mean you have to let your teen "run the show," but make
them believe they have some control over how they will handle the situation.
This will make them feel respected and more mature.
It is important that teens know that
their maturity will grant them more privileges. The more responsible they
become, the more they should be allowed to do independently. This will give
your teen an incentive to do the right things. Remember, most children desire
freedom more than anything else. If they know that by behaving properly they
will be given more freedom, you will gain their attention and cooperation.
When you have to say "no"
to something or you must make a demand, be gracious and explain why you made
your decision. Remember, most teens hate to be told what to do and have the
preconceived notion that parents simply seek to block their enjoyment.
Therefore, when you have to make demands that are not favorable to your child,
don't have a "do it because I said so" mentality; explain your
decision. For example, if you decide that your child can't stay out late,
explain why, make your reason clear and deliver your message with love.
"Honey, I know you would like
to have fun and stay out late tonight, but you have homework to do. I
understand at this moment you may think your homework is not important, but it
is. In order to maintain the lifestyle you have now you must get a good job to
pay the bills. In order to do that you must get your education. The more you
excel in your studies now, the more freedom you will have when you get older to
make a better living. I only want the best for you. I recognize your potential
and I know your future is going to be great. It's my job as your parent to help
you to achieve the success I know you deserve. Let's work together to
accomplish that goal." You could offer this kind of dialogue in a warm
tone.
Always be open to compromise or
suggestions. You can successfully bargain with your child and gain great
results. Some may think bargaining with a child is ludicrous, but it is not.
Remember as your child gets older, he or she will desire independence. If you
allow your teen to feel that you trust them and they have a sense of
independence, you will gain their favor. This will help you both obtain more
positive results in the relationship. Therefore, help your child to achieve a
sense of independence by setting goals and rewarding your child with freedom
for achieving them. For example, a good grade on an exam can be rewarded by an
extra hour added to your teen's curfew time. You will be amazed how this simple
kind of privilege, given just once, can motivate a child to become responsible.
Accordingly, by rewarding your child you will ultimately motivate him or her to
become successful.
Parenting is a team sport. A coach
needs a winning team to thrive in their profession, just as a parent needs to
cultivate healthy family relations for long term results. Therefore, in
developing your parenting skills be tactful as a coach. Don't yell at your kids
when they make mistakes, be sympathetic and learn all the facts. Get an understanding
of the motive behind the adverse behavior, so you can help to correct the
problem from the root. Take corrective measures to ensure your child's safety,
but maintain a relationship where your child is not scared to share the truth.
Remember the truth can always be dealt with, but what you don't know can not be
addressed!
When you take disciplinary action be
firm, but always explain your reasoning. Don't leave it to your child to
develop their own ideology behind your actions, which can be destructive to
your relationship. Explain the terms and conditions of the punishment and how
your child can gain back your trust and have the privileges that were taken
restored. Always remain the respected voice of reason your child can count on
to be fair and consistent. You want your child to always feel comfortable
coming to you instead of turning to the streets for solutions.
If your teen is not receptive to
your reasoning, show them a visual example they can better relate to. Teens
often learn better through illustrative, practical examples. I've had
remarkable success reaching teens in a prison public speaking group geared to
at-risk youth. I can remember going into a detention home for adolescents where
the children were very unruly. As we waited in our seats to speak, to my
surprise one teen smacked the other on the back of the head, right in front of
the staff. When the director of the facility scolded the unruly teen, she
replied back "shut the @#$% up!" I sat in total disbelief of how rude
the child was. I thought for sure it would be an impossible task to reach this
particular set of children. Butterflies churned in my stomach as I approached
the podium to recite my speech.
After I announced my name, my
conviction and the fact I was serving a 12 1/2 year sentence in federal prison,
the room came to a sudden screech of silence. You could literally hear a pin
drop on the floor. I spoke to the teens as if I was talking to a friend who I
cared earnestly about. I explained to them my past mistakes and how my lifestyle
led to my imprisonment. I spoke about life in prison in detail, and I explained
how my peers that I tried so hard to please, believing they were my true
friends, abandoned me during my incarceration. Before I finished my speech, I
reluctantly glanced at the young girl who was previously unruly. She starred
attentively at me, yet it was hard to recognize if my message had in fact
gotten through to her.
When the Question/Answer part of the
session began, the young girl raised her hand to speak. In my mind, I thought
she would say something rude, but she didn't.
"I've been in and out of
detention centers since I was 12 years old. I smoked weed, cut school and
shopped lifted from the stores in my neighborhood. Kind of like you, I followed
my friends and did things to please them. But, after listening to your story I
don't want to be bad anymore," the child bellowed as she began to cry
profusely. "I couldn't imagine surviving in prison for 12 1/2 years like
you. That can't happen to me! I don't want to live like this anymore!,"
she wallowed as I exited the platform and made my way to her seat to comfort
her. That moment changed my life. It made me realize despite my flaws and past
mistakes, my story could make a difference! My experience mentoring at-risk youth
helped me to develop a formula to get them to accept my advice.
To reach a rebellious teen, you must
first overcome the challenge of leading them to believe their current behavior
or way of thinking is irrational. Yelling and screaming or simply making
demands will not suffice. When you respectfully enlighten your children to the
reason behind your viewpoint and give them clear visuals that explain your
rationale, they will get it! Visual examples will last way longer than your
words. Even when you are not around, an enlightened child who understands the
severity of the consequences of poor choices will take heed to your advice,
because they understand it is truly for their protection.
Don't just take my word for it. Try
out the techniques written in this article. I guarantee you that you will be
amazed by the results! Not only will you improve your relationship with even
the most rebellious teen, your advice will hit home!
Voicesbooks.com, Jamila T. Davis
author of She's All Caught Up is a self-help expert, motivational speaker and a
women's prison reform activist, who is currently a federal inmate. While
imprisoned Davis is helping to change the lives of many through her
inspirational books and cautionary tales, based on her real-life experiences.
For more information about Jamila T. Davis, and to follow her journey to
freedom, visit http://www.voicesbooks.com - http://www.facebook.com/authorJamilaTDavis.
Jamila T. Davis, born and raised in Jamaica Queens, New York, is a motivational speaker, prison reform activist and the author of several books geared to empower the young and the old. She is also a co-founder of WomenOverIncarcerated.org, an advocacy group created to shed light on the lengthy sentences of non-violent, female federal offenders and rally for sentencing reform.As a former Hip Hop Music & Professional Sports Celebrity Advisor and real estate investor, Davis is no stranger to triumphs and defeats. From a self-made millionaire at age 25, her life took a tragic twist. Today she’s known as federal prisoner #59253-053, sentenced to 12 1/2 years for bank fraud.
From behind bars, Davis embarked on an intense journey of inner healing and restoration. Documenting her findings, she created the “Voices of Consequences Enrichment Series,” which has helped to transform the lives of female offenders across the country.
Discovering her purpose while incarcerated, and encountering injustices within her own case, Jamila T. Davis developed “The High Price I Had To Pay” Book Series, creating a platform for women serving decade plus sentences for non-violent crimes to tell their stories. The success of the series led to the formation of WomenOverIncarcerated.org. Despite her current obstacles, Davis is committed to paying her way forward and transforming lives through her literary work. From behind bars she’s making a difference!
For More Information
Visit Jamila’s website
Connect with Jamila on Facebook and Twitter
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